Go onto google and type in the words “divorce” or “separation” and you will be bombarded with 3 pages of expensive lawyers and big banks all competing to get your attention.
One of those big banks has set up a whole website on separation. At first glance this seems amazing. But look closer and the tips for separation include things like:
We despair at these tactics at The Separation Place. It is sneaky behaviour dressed up as social responsibility and it is not okay.
If money is tight after separation (and mostly it is), adding to debt is not necessarily in the best interests of either of the separated parties if it can be avoided. And, as for the 7 years of bank statements – that is something that is necessary to go to court.
What we are interested in at The Separation Place is keeping you out of...
Today is Valentines Day. It can be a really tough day for a separated person.
Maybe you have spent the morning rolling your eyes as all the women in your office get their flower deliveries one by one while, in contrast, your email inbox is full of emails from your ex about arrangements for after school pick up and changeover before you go home to watch Netflix and eat pizza alone.
Or you could be excited if it is the first Valentines Day with a new partner. All that excitement of new love is a great distraction from the property you still have sorted out with your ex. But deep down you know as soon as the day is over your new partner will start to ask questions. You know, “when are we going to buy a house together?” And “Why don’t you have money for a romantic holiday” And don’t forget, “Why are you paying mortgage on the house you lived in with your ex and rent on a new place?”
One thing is for sure. Today is a...
“Getting divorced with a kid can be one of the hardest things you will ever do. It’s like a death, but without a body”.
That little gem of wisdom is from Alan Alda’s character (Bert Spitz) in the heartbreakingly real movie Marriage Story. But what it should really say is – getting divorced with a kid and having a toxic lawyer hell bent on fleecing you for cash while you participate in a toxic legal system can be one of the hardest things you will ever do.
If Marriage Story feels real, it is because writer and director, Noah Baumbach, wrote it in the aftermath of his split from actress Jennifer Jason-Leigh. But remember that it is but one marriage story. And you quickly understand that both Charlie (played by Adam Driver) and Nicole (played by Scarlett Johansson) have very different perceptions of their individual “marriage stories”. It takes a lot of heartache and over $200,000 in legal fees before they understand that to find common...
I will let you in on a little secret. Even the most amicable of former partners and co-parents have bad days where they are annoyed with their ex. After all, there was a reason you separated. Think of this annoyance as a low level hum running like a current below you.
Different opinions and parenting styles can aggravate that low level hum, forcing it to turn into behaviour that makes you snappy and spiteful. And when you look at schooling, there is potential for this to happen. Are you focused on academics while your co-parent places more emphasis on sport? Perhaps you feel that your child should have restricted access to devices while your partner allows unrestricted access during the times they live with them.
It is important to get on the same page with your co-parent about these different parenting styles and present a cohesive and kind front to your children to make sure they are not drawn into the middle of this low undercurrent of tension and left wanting to act differently...
Even without a separated family, Christmas can be stressful. Rushing to events, what seem like never ending school holidays, buying gifts, trying to navigate the extra financial pressure and kids on lolly highs?
It isn’t all Clark Griswald, egg nog and family togetherness. It can be tough. But then add in a separated family and that stress level ratchets up a few thousand notches.
Let’s do this
But, my friend, the unavoidable truth is that you can’t avoid Christmas.
School is on holidays, the whole world is merry (or at least kind of frenetic) and the kids love it. And when you can’t avoid something, the best thing to do is to be prepared. Try to avoid all those awkward moments and minimise the stress. I am not saying you won’t still need a few wines from time to time, but you will be able to manage.
Let’s look at some common questions
It is important to remember that you are not...
Separation can be one of the toughest life experiences you will ever encounter. When facing the avalanche of emotions and uncertainty about the future, finances, living and parenting arrangements – self care usually falls low on the priority list, yet it is perhaps the time we need it most. Physical well-being lays the foundation for your mental and emotional health – so here are 5 simple ways to implement self-care during separation.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll be feeling a little exhausted in the lead up to Easter. No doubt it’s been a bit of a juggle during the school holidays and now the Easter shuffle is nearly here and you’re feeling….well completely overwhelmed!
Easter, like Christmas, can be a difficult time for separated families as it’s one of those ‘special holidays’ where it’s important for the kids to spend time with both parents. However, it can be an anxious time for parents as there is a less structure and possibly more face to face changeovers to navigate, not to mention a whole lot of chocolate!
If you’re finding Easter a little overwhelming, or perhaps this is the first Easter after separation, here are 5 tips to help make sure it goes smoothly so you can enjoy some quality time with your beautiful kids.
Most people have heard the airline spiels of ‘fit your own oxygen mask first before helping others’. But have you ever really considered the consequences of what might happen if you don’t? Put simply, if you can’t breathe, then you won’t be able to help others around you breathe. Such a simple concept that we should apply in all areas of life. Look after yourself, so you have the capacity to look after others.
But in real life situations, how easy is it to care for yourself before caring for others? If you’re a mother like me, you’ve probably been putting your kids needs above your own from the day you gave birth to them. It's an inherent fact, right? Some may even say its biologically imprinted on our DNA. Maybe that’s why we find it hard to flip that concept around and say, ‘hold the front door’, what about me?!
My work involves helping families problem solve after separation and divorce. Possibly the most stressful event...
If you count the 1990’s as your formative years you may recognise this Smashing Pumpkins Lyric. I remember lapping all that poetic rage up about how the world is ‘sent to drain’.
However, fast forward to 2018 and the world is possibly sucking the life out of us like never before. Life moves at a frightening pace with digital overload, high expectations and an overwhelming sense that we need to try and be everything to everyone. None so more than at Christmas time.
Perhaps, like me, you have spent the last few weeks saying to yourself:
After saying all of the above to myself (multiple times), I’ve come up with 7 idea’s on...
Are you the passenger or the driver in your family separation?
When a marriage or relationship ends, it might feel like your world has broken into a thousand different pieces. The aftermath seems incredibly overwhelming. What do I do? Where do I go? What are my rights? I have no idea where to start! I can’t face this right now.
Here at The Separation Place we think that there are two different options for you when you need to sort out your arrangements for your kids.
Be the passenger
You can get into the passenger seat and sit next to someone who can guide you through the system, move you through the process and get you out the other side. The driver is often a lawyer. An expert driver mind you. They know exactly the direction you need to head in and they know the roads well. The only set backs are that: